Grief: when pain needs to be heard

Losing someone or something important — a loved one, a relationship, a job, a life plan — is one of the most destabilising experiences we can go through. Grief is not limited to death: it accompanies any significant loss, whether sudden or gradual.

What grief does to the body and mind

Clinically speaking, grief is not an illness. It is a natural process, sometimes a lengthy one, that deeply engages our nervous system, our biology, and our emotional resources. Its manifestations are numerous and frequently misunderstood: intense sadness, irritability, unpredictable waves of emotion, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, a sense of emptiness or unreality. Sometimes the body speaks before the mind does — chronic fatigue, diffuse pain, weakened immunity.

These symptoms do not mean something is wrong with you. They mean you loved.

The different forms of grief

Grief does not follow a linear path. Classic models such as Kübler-Ross's stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) describe possible phases — but not mandatory ones, and not in a fixed order. Some people feel relief before sadness. Others remain stuck in anger. Others identify no clear emotion at all and question their own response.

All of these experiences are valid. There is no "right way" to grieve.

When grief becomes clinical suffering

Sometimes the process becomes complicated. Prolonged grief disorder — now recognised as a diagnostic entity in the DSM-5-TR and ICD-11 — is characterised by intense suffering that persists beyond six to twelve months after the loss, to the point of preventing a return to everyday functioning. The person may be unable to accept the reality of the loss, avoid anything that recalls the deceased, or conversely be overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts. Complicated grief can also evolve into a major depressive episode or an anxiety disorder — both of which respond well to appropriate treatment.

Other warning signs deserve attention: the use of alcohol or substances to numb the pain, progressive social withdrawal, dark thoughts, or a prolonged inability to meet professional or parental responsibilities.

What support can offer

Psychiatry and psychology do not seek to erase the pain of grief — to do so would be to deny what the loss represents. They offer a space to move through that pain without being lost in it. A clinical assessment can distinguish normal grief from complicated grief, and guide toward the most appropriate tools: psychotherapy, medication support where needed, or simply a regular space for attentive listening.

Seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It is an acknowledgement that some pain deserves a professional space in which to be processed — and that you do not have to carry it alone.

Your health is our priority — The Cabinet Vade team